Monthly Archives: April 2010

The Big Move

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The Big Move: a new path and a new identity? -graphic courtesy of LA Creek Freak

It was inevitable, some folks just can’t stand to be wrong or admit their mistakes but luckily in our modern and hi-tech world, these things can be fixed. I’m talking about the latest in the Eastside name grab debacle. You remember all those poor confounded souls, new arrivals, Echo Park hipsters and journalists who somehow believed neighborhoods west of the Los Angeles River were part of the Eastside. The Eastside issue is a moot point now, discussion and debate are needless. Thanks to articles in the Los Angeles Times and the numerous posts on this here site, EVERYONE knows where the Eastside begins: East of the Los Angeles River.

However, some folks are not so easily deterred, oh no! Some people will stick by their story, even when they are so very wrong. They’ve told us: “History and geography in Los Angeles are fluid” “Eastside east of the river? Essentialists!” and other cute put-downs created to entertain the post-modern sense of wit so popular with residents of hip neighborhoods. The problem is they know they were wrong but have grown tired of deflecting the truth. So they put their resources together, gathered their connections and called in favors to make things right. That’s how it’s been done in the past – contracts, paperwork, legalese and the proper connections have always made things “right” for the privileged in this country, so why let a little thing like geography stop them? The solution was simple: make the west, east!
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Unincorporated East LA marries three

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On April 1, 2010, the entire board of supervisors for Los Angeles County witnessed a historical event at the East Los Angeles civil court: the marriage of Juana Juanes-Robinson and her two husbands, Juan Juanes and Bob Robinson. After twelve years of protest and push from community residents and supporters throughout the county, thousands of supporters for PWWMT (People Who Wanna Marry Two) waited outside of the civil courthouse for Juana and her two husbands to tie their knots.

Thirty seven more 2+1 marriage ceremonies are scheduled through the summer of 2010.

Macy’s Throws it’s Sombrero into the ELA Market!

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Macy’s Department store has acquired a small department store which had been struggling for many years and finally closed its doors in December of 2007. The First Street Store aka La Primera at 3640 East First Street, was the only department store in East LA for 70 years and (according to business sources) way over due for a make over.  Xavier von Dido, Regional VP of Marketing for the Macy’s stores, was quoted as saying, “I am so proud to be part of the team initiating this mega deal for the community of East LA.”

Macy's of ELA will be a beautiful contribution to the community. Architect's rendering above.

According to von Dido, Macy’s is planning a fresh array of Hispanic feeling products that will have mass appeal to the forward looking East LA consumer. “If these products go well in East LA,” von Dido said, “we will look towards a national and international saturation campaign of similar products.”
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Chicano Jewish School to Open in Boyle Hts.

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The Breed Street Shul in Boyle Hts. has announced that they will soon begin classes for local residents to convert to Judaism. The goal is to tie Latinos to Judaism so that when Latinos have more political power they will continue America’s support for Isreal.

Ricardo Montoyiswich a recently converted Chicano Jew said, “This will help re-establish the Jewish presence in Boyle Hts. and hopefully lure Canters back to the heights!” Montoyiswich, who will be teaching several classes at the Shul, said his life has changed for the better since he made the switch. “As an actor I was having a hard time getting work, but out of no where, once I converted, I started getting all these cool gigs.”

Some of the classes that will be offered include: “Putting Down Those Whiny Santos,” “How To Leave La Virgen and still Love Your Mom,” “Circumcising The Chile: Grin and Bare It,” “Menorah and Dradle Care for Chicanos (Don’t smoke it and it’s NOT Pon),” and “How To Trace Your Distant Jewish Roots.”

Sleepy Tonatiuh, a next door neighbor to the Shul and proud Aztec dancer said, “This ain’t right. They should be teaching people about the people on this land and how this land was stolen, just like the Isreali’s stole Palestine.” He plans to protest the classes once they open by having his danza group do ceremonies during class time. When asked for a response, Montoyiswich said, “Sounds like that indio needs to see the play “Palestine New Mexico” and learn how Indians are Jewish.”

Will there ever be peace in the mid Eastside?

Norton Se Puede?!

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Eduardo Norteno
Hollywood has celebrated the feats of many iconic American figures who have overcome the obstacles of social, racial, and economical injustices and prejudices. General audiences enjoy a historical character who they can relate and rally around, knowing that their valuable earned dollars are funding the celebration of persons deserving of the “Celebritized” accolades. Ben Kingsley portrayed the modelesque and malnutritioned Hindu leader Mahatma Gandhi in Gandhi, and Denzel Washington as the Black Power advocate and civil rights leader Malcolm Little in the film Malcolm X. Aside from being a tribute to the lives of these great persons, it can also be the fast track towards Academy Award nominee recognition. The likelihood of Oscar gold when starring in a biopic, typically with a title surname (or middle name), is more than likely. Just look at the following examples: F. Murray Abraham (Amadeus, 1984), Will Smith (Ali, 2001), Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote, 2005), and Sean Penn (Milk, 2008 ).   The list goes on with a slew of other nominations, and soon to be added to the star studded biopic  list…Cesar Chavez.

Mayor Proposes Bridge Crossing Tax

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In yet another sign of the times, the Mayor is proposing a new fee for crossing our city bridges as a way to make up for some of the loss of revenue that bad planning and poor management has meant for our city.  And let’s not even get into the welfare for the rich scenarios that have given us nothing but ugly spaces at a high price. It’s pretty messed up how they’ve managed this city into a financial hole, just to keep developers and campaign funders happy. But what else is new, que no?

Well this IS new: they want to charge people for crossing any bridge in the city. Even the ones that span the river and connect the Eastside with the rest of the city. And they want to charge you in both directions.  As if times weren’t tough enough.

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Jaime Escalante school proposal

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Ron Unz announced that he was planning on opening an elementary school in the MacArthur park area to be named after his good friend and fellow Republican Jaime Escalante.

An Unz spokesman Will Garglio, stated that this will be called Jaime Escalante Westside Elementary School (JEWES). Unz plans to open a similar school on the Eastside.

JEWES curriculum will be total English immersion with a focus on media manipulation. Plans include having a student run television station just like professional Latino TV stations. They plan to staff the station with the lightest and blondest of the community, even if they have to import them all the way from Miami to do so. Will Garglio said, “We want these youth to feel like they are in the real world and that world doesn’t look or speak like them, so they need to get used to it now.”

Textbook orders have already been filed and include texts that exclude Sal Castro, Che Guevarra, Rudy Acu~a and other Chicano/Latino heroes that might instill pride in the students, something that must be avoided, according to textbook publisher: Bendover for Texas Press.

Moco Flavor?

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I saw this sign in El Sereno the other day, for some fake flavor coffee additives. Kind of a weird choice, but I was still a bit impressed by their forward thinking approach. You know, the flavors of the really young urban youth. I imagine the taste profile is going to skew to salty, but maybe this will encourage me  to create my own self blown flavor lattes.

To the Kleenex!