I wasn’t really planning to go, but my friend thought it was a good idea. I just didn’t want to hang around with that whole Bike Kulture set that make my skin crawl. The bike people think they have found the answer to all of life’s problems (aka, the bike) just like the Hemp Hippies thought they had also found the solution to everything in this one plant, which just also happened to get them high. People with simplistic solutions to everything are annoying and usually preachy. I gave up church for a reason.

Oh, pedestrians are invited too? I am a paid member of The Walking Class after all. Well then, lets take a looksey!

Click ahead para ver un chingo de photos.

The thing about bikes is that they’re made out of metals that need to be mined from our sacred earth, which has a devastating effect on the communities that live near these mines. Plus they use lots of rubber, which is also bad for the innocent rubber trees and depletes supplies for those other rubbers that are sorely needed to keep the human population at manageable levels. As someone that tries to live Green I can’t stand idly by while people promote the usage of these environmentally detrimental machines as a sustainable solution. Walking is a better solution. One Less Bike!

So I headed over to Hollenbeck Park, but it was getting a bit too late to take the bus so I drove my car. Here we see the scene of cars being held up from their natural flow this time due to those toxic bikes.

I know that people are pretty superficial these days and would likely criticize my driving, but luckily I was presented with a theoretical counterweight in the form of another car lugging some bikes to the scene of the action. I guess that means I win cuz I only had to lug my shoes. 1 point for me!

Headed to Hollenbeck there’s already a bunch of people going the other way. Maybe I’m too late?

Nah, there’s still people headed my way too.

A lone Mariachi contemplates the meaning of the situation.

When all of a sudden, our very own C.T. rolls on by, sporting the latest in Pepper wear, the coolest fashion accessory you’re probably too dull to have heard about. Yes, he is a traitor to the Walking Class. There will come a time when wrongs will be righted, lest he forget. Most troubling is that he’d been meaning to bring his machine made of mined metals to my place, cuz I was gonna take a look at some brake problems he was having. (Yes I know a bit about bike repair cuz in a previous life I used to build my own bikes, but I’m not proud of my past as an earth polluter.)

Turns out he was still having those brake problems. Here we see my idle hands doing the devil’s work, cuz in about a minute I had his lame “problem” solved. I mean really, there ought to be a law. But I ignored my moral misgivings since he said he was going to the Latino Bookfair over at Cal State LA, I’m ready for another slam of speaker panels where people just read shit they’ve already printed!

Oh look, working brakes! Eres o te haces?

After we say goodbye to the traitor, we see some potential members of the walking class. Yay!

Look at this: some lazy bum is trying to pass his motorized scooter off as a bike. Cheater!

I like this: the freeway exit closed. The flow of the freeway over Hollenbeck, which has given us nothing in return for the defacement of our park, other than exhaust fumes and heavy soot, continues unabated. A few hours of less cars is more than called for. Maybe next year CicLAvia can happen ON the freeway too.

Under the freeway, the park.

Someone was bumping tunes from their bike. This camera does not capture musical notes.

Ubrayj right after thanking some random police for keeping an eye on everything. If he’d have grown up in this neighborhood, that sort of statement would be less likely.

Who wouldn’t want a picture in front of Hollenbeck Park?

Scooter guy and his lil’ dog. Taking it to the street.

The organizers were selling fundraising shirts. They were too colorful for me.

La Raza was blasting some proper tunes.

There were a few “food trucks” by Hollenbeck. No taco trucks though, which is odd. But they did have this Maui Wowi hut.

Plus some “Island BBQ” by Uncle Lau’s. I didn’t take a look at the menu but I’m pretty much making it a principle that if a truck is sporting a twitter feed url then I’m not interested. So you’ve been warned food trucks, just in case you want my $3 to $5 that I’m willing to spend on your vittles. Tremble in your boots!

The Slice Truck showed up just to tease: it wasn’t open.

Some lady showing off her awesome kickstand.

Kids making the most of empty roads, skating the full street!

A Walking Class mom leads her scooter loving boy and skates loving girl out towards downtown.

CicLavia litter.

The skating girl is enjoying the open road.

The main problem with cicLAvia is that it was heavily cyclocentric, almost bordering on pedestrianphobic. I thought we were all going to share the road? Instead, it was like a bike freeway, not unlike the car freeway below. Right around this point, as we were walking down the incline towards downtown, the bikes were coming strong and fast and whizzing right by us, seemingly unconcerned about the peds in the street.

This poor volunteer had the unenviable task of waving his “slow” sign at speeding cyclists that didn’t care, under the hot sun at that. He seemed a bit dejected.

HA HA! They want cars to give them 3 feet but they don’t extend the courtesy to pedestrians? Even when the whole street is empty? What a bunch of assholes.

Just like car driving assholes, shifting into a bicycle doesn’t change their natural tendencies for self-centeredness. If I had decided to extend my arm I think I could have knocked down a few mofos, but I resisted the temptation. There’s still some work to be done before the Walking Class can take over. We bide our time.

Peds under attack!

Just cuz you can get there faster doesn’t make your use of the public street any different. Why is sharing so difficult?

After a long assault of speeding bikes I was comforted by this sign at a local store: NO Bicycles! Plus, We Make Sandwich.

We weren’t the only peds at the event. It just felt that way.

Some pedestrians greeting other pedestrians with a hug. For the record, I didn’t see a single cyclist hugging anyone else. I think cyclists use that metal contraption between their legs as a method of distancing themselves from human contact. Cuz they’re part of the industrial class, I assume. Bikes are not all warm and cozy.

It was a hot day. A seat would be nice. A seat with beer would be even nicer. Hmm, why am I walking without a particular destination?

Some dude was being chased by some other dude. Old school chasing, on foot!

I found the secret open air porta potty.

It has a great view.

Everyone wanted a pic with El Centro in the background.

Downtown does make a good backdrop. This nice woman was kind enough to offer taking a pic with my friend. It was greatly appreciated.

Wheelie Popper.

Some people decided to deface our public walls with graffitos! It was so terrible.

There was something happening with this glitter sack, but I didn’t want to stick around to see what that was.

Oh, glitter umbrellas. I’ve always wanted one of those.

Crossing over the bridge, we came upon this dismount zone. Only cyclists need to be told when to dismount.

On our way out of the Eastside, an ambulance crew was helping some cyclist that injured himself by riding too fast. Hmm, do I really want to enter that world of ineptitude? Maybe its time to walk back.

Car-free doesn’t apply to the police, cuz they’re jerks.

Taking a picture of yourself.

This guy was strangely walking his bike over the bridge. Err, ok. He was sporting some fine chain wear.

A 4-tired “bike”. Isn’t that just a car with a lousy motor?

A kid with an arm cast still jumps the curbs on his bike.

Uh, a segway? Cheater!

Human powered skates roaring down the stretch.

Vending non-machines. Gatorade and Water, $1.

LAPD cheating yet again. Its like sooo hard to not be on a motorized vehicle.

Hmm, the chain belt dude is still walking his bike. Maybe his bike isn’t working? Maybe we inspired him?

Unsafely texting on a bike. Figures.

This is sad. At this spot, at the bottom of the hill, at an event where pedestrians were supposedly to be part of the makeup, random people are running to cross the street to avoid the assault of bikes.

It really makes you think.

Some young dude running across the street to avoid the bikes. Things that make you go hmmm.

But cyclists love the open-to-them space.

Yay! Other pedestrians take it to the street. But notice how they stick to the gutter lane, close to the sidewalk. Do you feel unsafe in these “open streets”?

Aguas!

On our way back to BH, some local metal band decides to show us their stuff. They are called Take Flight, they even have a myspace page, which they made fun of cuz nobody is on myspace anymore. Their banter was pretty funny, they were promoting the clean bathrooms inside, in case you needed to take a whizz.

A girl across the street decides to rock out to their music.

She strummed that air guitar like it was important.

Even dogs got in on the action.

Some speeding cyclist lost his hat, and didn’t even notice.

With the sun raging as it was, the idea of a Michelada was quite appealing. But the canned version from the Bud company is no doubt a sad joke, best to be intrigued by the idea than be disappointed with the reality.

Well it was time to head back, maybe we will take a look at the event in another part of town? OK! Here we see the event from out a car window.

It seemed a bit sparse in downtown.

HA HA HA! Some shitty soda company was sponsoring a “health screening”. Oh, the irony.

No water in sight, just lots of those weird chemical laden drinks, aka “sugar free” soda. As if.

Oddly enough, people wanted to be photographed with the bike that advertised the shitty cola. I briefly considered “borrowing” this bike but it looked pretty crappy as well.

Speaking of crappy, Eric Garcetti was mumbling some nonsense about taking back the DWP cuz its ours. This coming from the guy who sold out the library, making it and the parks have to pay for utilities from said DWP even though they are both city departments. I’d had enough from this boring fool.

There were a few “gourmet” trucks. Pfft, not interested. Hmm, I think I know that bearded man scrounging for sodas.

I liked the name of this truck.

Media were hovering over this actress. Uh, didn’t she come out in that stupid skating movie? Oh yeah, and in that ridiculously boring Juno one too. Her words carry less weight. No further questions from me.

A crowd shot. I guess this rally wasn’t part of the Ciclavia event, some other group put it on. Yes, it was boring.

This guy had the right idea.

And this one too.

A doggy bike.

Tents pitching some cause or other.

The clipboard brigades were out in full force. Sorry, I don’t sign stuff.

Watch out ladies! Yer gonna get spammed! Give them a fake email!

Ok, enough of El Centro, lets head over to some other part of town. But first a few pics of police art. I think this is a tasered hippo.

Wash Me, sez the dirt graffiti.

A cowering oversized bean. No doubt it heard about the cops and their tendency for shooting first.

Over on the Westside, the car traffic got gnarly.

Hey, more bikers driving their bikes.

We found a cool spot under a tree to watch the action. Yay, go pedestrians! This kid asked his dad about the walking “how do we know when we are done?” Excellent question!

There were a few of these payaso bikes around.

Not surprisingly, another cheater cop. Plus he had a cooler with donuts and beer. And he didn’t share.

A bike for just kicking back.

Now that what I’m talking about! Look at those lil’ feet cooling in the wind.

Hey, I already saw this 4 wheeled bike. They switched drivers though.

Yikes, look at this feo! Oh wait, I know this Mr. Ugly.

But of course, another cheater cop.

Some photographer doing it ped power.

Otro a pie.

Hand holding skaters. Ai, que romanticos.

Uh, I think that bike is a bit too big for you birdy.

The birds name was “lady”. She said she wished there were more pedestrians too. It was an interesting conversation.

The tiny bikes crew.

A wheelie with too much pop.

I guess you can ride bikes with high heels. Who knew?

The beauty of car-free streets: the ability to play!

Chalk tagging.

Eat poop? Sorry, I don’t do that. Anymore.

This group were being all cutesy and obnoxious, having people stop for a “brake check”. Once they stopped, thus confirming the brakes were working, they would cheer. People were confused and annoyed.

One of the drawbacks of this event was that the group that distributes free food every Sunday at MacArthur Park was harassed and ticketed for bringing in their vans to unload the food. That’s pretty messed up. If they can let the cheater cops in with their cars, they can make an exception for a program like this.

We were pretty much done with the event, the sun had begun to sap our energies. But we decided to check out the end of the line. Damn, lots o’ traffic.

The anti-gridlock sign had no effect.

Bike parts for sale. Not a bad idea.

Hey, if they can transport their bikes, I can transport my shoes.

There was a weird hush-hush mood from a few people about having driven, like they were cheating or something. Don’t worry, I’m not judging you.

I’m going to invent the huarache rack. For those massive walking parties I plan to organize, no bikes allowed!

At the end of the line, it was a big let down. Just a bunch of people that get their identity from a steel contraption.

And is if to mock the whole event, other steel contraptions were on display.

Of course, it requires a picture.

BTW, I guess CT had already been here cuz Scoops was out of Ice Cream.

And then, the reign of the car was reestablished.

On the way home, I spotted a bike helmet thrown onto some barb wire. I guess some nerd got tired of being a nerd.

Bonus! Bonus! Bonus!

It was time to get some refreshments.

I look up and see this. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!