With Valentines day around the corner, I got to thinking about woman, my relationships with them and the drama that comes with them. DISCLAIMER: THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS & OPINIONS ALONE AND IF IN ANY WAY I OFFEND ANYONE OF EITHER GENDER, SUCKS FOR YOU.
I grew up in a house full of women, being the oldest and having three younger sisters who got their way over mine all the time. In all of jr. high and high school I was your cliche nerd. Over weight, dressed like a HUGE dork and well yeah, complete loser. That lasted a couple of years until I got my dog, started jogging around Evergreen, lost 20 lbs, grew long hair and basically came outta my shell with WAY more confidence than ever before. Even when I was an uggo I got some love, but I was to down to pay attention to it.
Anyway, through my various experiences, not many of them I might add if it makes any difference, I have learned that dating is over rated, expensive and at times, a waste of everyone’s time. Now this isn’t just a post/rant about my problems with love, I want to open this up to EVERYONE who reads this post and chime in with your two cents, personal experiences and maybe even some friendly advice as to how to avoid getting hitched to a succubus.
Through my personal experiences I have had my fair share of drama with some great highs and depressing lows. I have learned my lesson and I now know, thankfully, what “kind” of person I’m looking to share my life with. Love is a learning process after all, but I have some MAJOR bones to pick.
1. Dinero: Society dictates that men have to have it in order to get the girl, thankfully the majority of women don’t think like that, but it’s still an issue. First date etiquette demands that the guy pay for the night. Entertainment and eating combined can depletes my pockets rather fast and well, I don’t have the kind of money to go out and treat myself, let alone a date. Through various conversations with friends, there are alternatives to the money thing without losing any face. I like Cindylus suggestions of going to picnics, museums and free festivals that are not only fun and entertaining, but complete free !!!! Example, last year for valentines day I prepared a picnic at school for my X. I got the food, prepared it, set the table with a nice cloth, candles, plates the whole magilacuty. She ended up cancelling because her aunt went into labor 🙁 I ate with my friend who was alone that year too and had some nice cheese cake. Now said friend has a boyfriend so yeah….I know there’s girls out there that aren’t hung up on money and material things like a car, but they are EXTREMELY HARD to come by and most of the time they’re already taken. Still, money plays a big part of any relationship one way or another, that whole starving artist thing can only last for soo long before the $$ issue rears it ugly head. Unless I find someone who’s just as broke as me, then we’re golden 😀
2. Being true to thyself and each other: Using the X as an example again, she liked me cause she said I was cute and what not, but as we started to get to know each other, things started falling apart rather quickly. Part of being in a relationship to me is that the other person you’re with melds with you seamlessly and it seems like you become one person. I keep it real, but sometimes keeping it real goes wrong and that’s when the relationship is put to the test. I am a brutally honest person at times and won’t b/s anyone when anyone ask me something. As a result of that I have been labeled a jerk, an ass hole, a culero and a whole bunch of other names because I tell it like it is. My real friends know different but yeah, I told it like it is and ohh man did she take offense to it. Granted that a few times I may have said the wrong thing at the wrong time, but still, communication and honesty are vital components in any relationship. A problem I seem to have is that I’m the voice of reason because I’m older or i just have more life experience. Some people like being lied to and I for one am not one of them. If you ask me if you look fat in that dress, I’ll say something to the affect of, “yeah…I can see your longas and muffin top.” Of course I say that in a very loving way, but I either get scalded, the moloich and on a few occasions a chancla thrown at me. What can I say, I like it rough ;-P Open communication and trust are key no doubt.
3. Learning to love yourself: Alright cochinos get your minds outta the gutter !!! I’m talking about learning to be on your own and making peace with your person demons and luggage before you try to dump it on someone else. This is by far one of the hardest parts to ever come and in time, you’ll adapt and become a much better person. Currently I’m going through this “phase” right now and I’ve gotten over the hump. Unfortunately other’s haven’t and that’s when problems starts. All relationships take a lot of work, but bringing in unneeded b/s doesn’t help things, in fact it totally kills it, especially for me. I’ve have to deal with a TON of b/s and I got over it, most of it anyway, so now I don’t bring in that kind of needless crap into my next relationship, whenever that happens. Learning to appreciate the finer things in life on your own will not only help you be a better person, it’ll help you in a relationship too.
And so here I am, all alone, it’s just me and my dog and for the time being I like it that way. I learned what it takes to be with someone in a healthy relationship, I know what I’m looking for so to speak and I have learned to deal with my personal demons on my own and keep them at bay. The only other bone to pick that I have is that when I’m interested in someone, it doesn’t work out for what ever reason, but then when they come after me I’m either to dumb to recognize it or just too into myself. But I have a solution for that, putting myself out there and in this case literally.
I’m 24. I have a part time job, I’m in school and transferring with in a year to a university. I basically live out on the streets riding a skateboard takin’ pics of the city, art galleries and anything else I find interesting. I have a passion for animals, I love to write (obviously) and I’m active in my community, (does blogging count?). I have a strong passion for knowledge and I’m always at museums or forums learning as much as I can so i can better myself. My aspirations are to finish school, become a better reporter I.E. getting paid for my writing at a major newspaper, radio station etc., become a dog behaviorist or work at the zoo. Eventually become a teacher or community activist giving back to my community and helping the next generation of kids coming up the same way I did. Now as for the more superficial aspects of me, I love to eat, I love comics, anime and video games, from a poetic/story telling aspect. I love all kinds of movies and prefer action, zombies and drama, secretly I also like chick flicks :-p. Music is pretty much the same thing, but I have a preference for Metal and anything hard that will kick you in the face. Of course I have a softer side but you’ll see it when you know me. I’ve been told I think like and artist and I’ve learned to embrace that part of me. I’ve also been told I have a bohemian life style too, so if you can’t hang with me, then don’t bother. I hate flakers and if you’re not into trying new things, then I’ll leave you behind like everyone else. Other than that, I’m open minded and just looking for someone to share some good times with and maybe turn into something serious if it’s meant to be. Ohh that too, I believe in higher powers, faith, destiny and all that good stuff. I’ve seen it all first hand and there’s no denying that somethings are out of our hands. I love folklore, philosophy and history because I’m a weirdo like that. If you think you can keep up with me, email me through the contact page or though my blog. Meeting people has never worked for me, but I figure what the hell right ? I’m not getting anywhere doing it the old fashioned way so I’m going to switch things up. Ohh and for those of you who know me personally and are reading this first, stop laughing at me…then leave comments supporting everything I just said. If any of you talk trash I swear I’ll put you on blast !!! Any-who, I’m not expecting anything serious outta this, because it’s a blog, but I’m open minded and willing to take chances. That’s what life is all about.
What I can say is, until that special person comes along, improve on yourself, enrich yourself, stay true to you & your dreams, love yourself, make yourself the very best human being you can be while you wait for that woman who will be perceptive enough to see the inner qualities in you. Then, be a good listener, and make sure you can share & respect with that person.
Also, go meet single women at places that YOU have a personal interest & passion for, comic book shows, photo galleries, museums, etc. And remember to be honest and treat them like human beings instead of “chicks”. No matter what some players will tell you- “Quality IS better than Quantity” What about your advantage of having your dog Harley? Dog’s can be great chick magnets too.
And have you tried any of those dating websites?
My Tia Concha wanted to start an Eastsider’s Dating Site here online she was thinking of names like:
“My Espace”
“MascaraBook”
“eHominy (menudo eating singles)
“It’s just Lonche”.
btw- Love that panel with Mary Jane Watson & Peter Parker!
that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, but waiting is the hardest part. If your tia started the dating service, “It’s just Lonche” I would totally sign up. Ohh as for Harley helping me, it only worked when she was a puppy.
..She was also thinking of creating a mobile dating service called:
“It’s Just Lunch Truck” and she would play Lalo Guerrero’s
classic: “Tacos for Two” over the sound system.
El Random Hero are you actively asking people out? You should be making about five attempts a day. Not because you want to date 1000s of people, but because you need to practice your skills. Don’t look for the perfect woman all of the time, simply view it as just lunch, just a dance, just want some friends, etc…and remember two buck chuck and hummus, you’re young enough to make that work on a regular basis. You can invite her on a picture taking trip, so you can’t stop for an entire meal, because you guys are busy.
Or there is always the option of dating an anorexic (they are real skinnny and smell slightly weird from all the not eating) anorexics are cheap dates and get drunk rather quickly…lol…that doesn’t count as talking shit does it? I’m sorry, but I’m serious about the first suggestion.
Browne
hahah the best of both worlds and since they eat at lunch trucks I know they’re smart and have good taste.
I am, sort of, well kinda. I’m on the “prowel” all the time but when I see them they’re with their boyfriends or too busy for that. I figure they would want me if I’m too busy for them, but so far that logic hasn’t worked for jack squat. And I’m not looking for a “perfect woman” because I don’t think there’s such a thing. At the same time I don’t want to be wasting my time with some girl who will probably end up hating me after it’s all said and done. But good suggestions though. How did Bustard end up whooing you ? Did he hit on you on the bus LOL !?!?
I had some “pegue” back in the day but I was quite focused on my own interests, finding out way later that someone was interested in me after the fact. Oh well. I’d say it’s best to “do your thing” and be aware of those in your circles, that’s a good bet you’ll find compatibility. But also be open to some random encounters in unexpected places: I met my main squeeze waiting in a bank teller line!
“How did Bustard end up whooing you ? Did he hit on you on the bus LOL !?!?” El Random.
I guess I called the talking shit gods and you put me on blast…lol…no I met BusTard at the Halloween party of my ex-BFF’s house, but public transport would probably be a good place to practice.
“I don’t want to be wasting my time with some girl who will probably end up hating me after it’s all said and done.” El Random Hero
It’s never a waste to make a connection and women love guys that their friends.
a. Hate
b. Tell them to stay way from
The “he’s really nice,” and “you should date this guy,” that is all very unappealing, because you think if he’s so nice then why aren’t you dating him? Christmas sweaters are nice, but you don’t want to date a Christmas sweater.
So even if it doesn’t work out with random woman, that woman has a friend and you’re never going to meet her much more fun friend if you don’t waste your time with going out with her first.
be realistic and logical..think with your head and not your heart..at least not to begin with.
remember life is full of changes and nothing lasts forever..know that.
Love yourself first and know what you want and need.
And above all..dont settle for less.
Give as much as you expect back.
Equality above all.
Communication is key in any type of relationship.
Also ask yourself…”am i comfortable and happy with this person?”
if you are then keep dating and so forth if not move on and cut your losses.
And love is not suppose to hurt.
the drama is for their mama or television and movies.
And casually ask any prospective mate on the first date:
“Do you like money?”
If they answer YES..they are suppose to say: “i like my own money”.
If they say NO..then you reply: “good cause i dont have any”
And listen to Tom Leykis- radio show on 97.1 fm here in LA weekdays from 3-7pm (his Leykis 101 advice is real and true)
All this coming from a gay latino male..masculine & straight acting btw just saying 🙂
bottom line: love is love
You are young you don’t need to have a serious girlfriend it is too distracting right now that you are perusing college and a career. I say you don’t worry about that till you finish school. If you do happen to meet a girl it will just happen naturally with out trying. Your a smart great guy don’t trip homie!
I also agree with Valentines Day being a stupid over-rated holiday, I never liked any kinds of gifts that day even though my guy always insisted on all that stuff.Booooo to Valentines Day!
Ok I do agree with you on some parts. you realy do neeed to start with yrself in the how loving yrself part… but u can’t force faight when it happens it will happen and you will know. Like I have been able to concentrate on school adn not have some one I can’t completly put 100% into the relationship, when Im ready Im ready, but for now I have my crushes, freinds I hang out with, but am I forcing my self to lookfor someone NO!.. you have to be pateint and let it happen
You are too young to think about a ‘relationship.’
Just get to some ‘relating.’
ofcourse if you are a ‘relationship guy’ then you got some hard days ahead til you stop over thinking things and just let love flow.
BUT if you are a regular vato who just needs to get his, to learn some, while gettin some, then do what Browne said and hit ’em all up and see what sticks.
I got some hard core playa veteranos that will be glad to teach you some things about this.
As men we need to get together and share this, even though we don’t think we need to.
You are very brave for even writing this. I admire this about you.
I got your back homie if you need to talk about queens, rucas, princesses, viejs, diosas, heinas, reinas, or any other women.
I’ve seen some in my days, know some, and if I can’t I know I can help you find some help.
You aren’t alone
>>the other person you’re with melds with you seamlessly and it seems like you become one person<<
hmmm, I don’t know about that part. there’s a book called Intimacy and Solitude by Stephanie Dowrick that you might find interesting with regard to this concept.
As for succubi, well…don’t totally knock it. there’s something to be gained sometimes from totally giving yourself over to something like that, as long as the loss doesn’t outweigh it. (on a related note, try not to end up signing your name to any papers that you can’t read.)(on another related related note, check out the films, In the Realm of the Senses, Teorema, and Visitor Q.)
religion and class seem to play the biggest part in compatibility, in my experience. even if we’re no longer religious, or have changed religion, I think the religious culture in which we developed, along with our class level growing up, play bigger roles than people are aware of in terms of compatibility. so, be on the lookout for that. Not that you have to hook up with a catholic if you grew up catholic, or with somebody who stood in line with their moms at the WIC office like you did (I mean like I did), but be aware of how big a role it plays, and how religion and class are intertwined with culture and ethnic background, and how they deeply inform the ways in which we interact, connect, communicate, and love, on some seriously unconscious levels. that stuff gets deeeeep.
And as I’m about to turn another click around the sun and officially enter the realm of “middle age,” can I just say, whether we’re fourteen, or twenty-four, or eighty-four, I think it might be a good idea to try not to ever get too comfortable thinking that we “know” what we want, or what relationships are about, or what anything is about, really. That will leave little room for surprise, amazement, learning, and growth.
That’s my two pennies.
Now go out and get some!
@ everyone ~ I really appreciate the support and advice. This is excatly one of the reasons I wanted to write this post and get it out in the open. Judging from what everyone said I’m over thinking this WAY TOO MUCH and need to let it happen. I gotta put myself out there and not “close my mind” with “expectations” and “ideals” because most of that is b/s. I’m reminded of the Joan Jett song “Love is a battle field.” Mil gracias to everyone again for mentoring me in the field of love 😀 Thankfully now I won’t end up as another casualty. FYI I’m still single ladies 😀
I’m glad not all girls care about dinero. I remember I went out with a girl & picked her up at her place in Watts, then we headed to disneyland & I payed for her entrance. now you may think this was a typical date. But it wasn’t because WE DID THIS ALL ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION! She never once complain about having to take a ton of buses from her place in Watts all the way to Anaheim & back. this is a good true story for the bus bench jaja. anyway, it didn’t work out in the long run.
ill echo the sentiments of everyone else: work on loving yourself (to the point where you dont need anyone elese beyond physcial urges), and focus on having a good time with some pretty company rather than finding love.
Women love confidence, and when you let off that “you could be around but I’d care less” attitude it attracts them like flies. I dont mean being a jerk, but acting a bit withdrawn and giving them just enough attention has always worked for me. it is the gender game we all have played, please spare me any gender-equity scolding por favor.
I think you go to ELAC? The theatre/chicano studies network there is pretty strong and if you are somewhat cool (nerdy is the new cool), socially conscious and dont have a horn growing from your cheek there are plenty of interested fish inthat sea. In fact, chicano studies/sociology classes are a gold mine for single conscious men looking for a nice gal. Take my advice and avoid the whol affliction/cars with rims crowd, those girls are not for you and you are not for them unless you want to sell your soul to shallowness.
Go to some ELAC MECHA parties (I can connect you if need be) or read books in open spaces on campus where the girls gather ( I know there’s constrctuion going on, which is why i didnt say fron courtyard). PCC and Rio are also good grounds, as well as CSLA by the book store and student union.
I was already married by the time I was serious in JC (which oddly, was irresistable to women there, where the heck were they when I was lonely and single i will never know) but MAN, there was plenty of opportunity. I always tell my homeboys to hang out at a JC with a wedding band if they want some company.
Or if you want to get freaky: lose your soul, spike your hair and wear a tight affliction shirt and go to Main St. alhambra or the clubs on district in maywood.
“Women love confidence, and when you let off that “you could be around but I’d care less†attitude it attracts them like flies. I dont mean being a jerk, but acting a bit withdrawn and giving them just enough attention has always worked for me. it is the gender game we all have played, please spare me any gender-equity scolding por favor.”
Haha, I thought of writing something similar. I’ve noticed that women do respond to men with a lot of confidence (not ego or bragging but real honest confidence) as long as it comes with a touch of vulnerability.
You all give really good advice but I’m not worried for Random, he just needs to have fun right now and not worry about the serious stuff. The serious relationships happen when you least expect it!
“Love is a Battlefield” is by Pat Benatar. It doesn’t matter though, I got your point.
what do you really want?
a relationship, sex, casual dates? all three? lol
think about that first, then be straight up with the girl. oh, and there’s a difference between telling it like it is and taking someone’s feelings into consideration when answering. i had to learn that the hard way.
I say we re-vote to rename Valentines Day to Galotines Day
who’s with me? – On Galotines Day there wouldn’t be a need to buy over-priced-cheap flores that aren’t even grown or nourished well and wither like in two days – or over inflated balloons that ride in the back seat of a driver who can barely drive and let alone now not see who or what is behind him/her. or silly teddy bears that hold hearts that say “I love you” or stupid naco cards that sing when you open them…or some chingadera like that.
Galotines Day will be about LOVE but that kind that comes and goes meng. Not the fake one that is everlasting and por siempre. that is some walt Disney Hollywood crap
ey Random Hero…mira…si buscas you aint gonna find it. Like Dona Junta said – let that stuff come naturally. when you least expect it is there. But you gotta first get over feeling like this homie. You gotta believe that you are worthy of having a chick and that chick having you. You feel me? There may be some deep lining issues underneath that may be perceived as a tadbit bitter. I ain’t saying you is me entiendes? pero buenos pensamientes bring good vibes homes. women are instinctive and have this sense that may pick up stuff like that. send out good vibes to a girl and she will respond without you even trying big dawg. but you gotta remove that thinking.
If a girl solely likes you cuzz you is cute then that is shallow and plainly immature. about being real? – you gotta always be real…be yourself and like being yourself and from what I see by your blogging you are well versed and articulate and I am sure any woman will totally fall for that brain of yours homie which is the most attractive thing in anyone. me oyes?
shoot man – i can sit here and write you a loooooooooong ass write up – but maybe some day – si te interesa – we meet up for some cafecito…no funny stuff man – I am as straight as can be and we can chat. we can meet as long as it is in west hollywood chaaao – LOL – not tea creas guey.
yo yo yo – en serio – keep en mente that when a relationship begins to get serious you also need to compromise. YEP – that dreaded word compromise. So saying that you leave someone behind when you are into new things and perhaps tu ruca may not be – aside from trying to introduce her to those thangs and educate her you gotta also undastand que quisas she may have not been to exposed to thangs. feel me – of course ultimately depends on how much you like a chick and how much you are willing to “compromise”. but hey – you never know – eventually she may come round. believe – I come from that. I once had a very sheltered girlfriend or better said dated a girl and it took a while for her to loosen up, trust me and try new things. and I mean try NEW THANGS – if you catch my drift. From eating different foods to going to new places to doing the chaca-chaca crazy style.
me on the other hand – I love myself too much to settle down on one chick and begin compromising this and that…it may or may not happen and like any fool will soon get tired of juggling hearts (Forever In My Life – by Prince)
anyhow – if you find it…suggestion!!! don’t wait for VDay to give gifts…give them when te da la gana. valentines day should be everyday – like Galotiones Day…an it’s okay to spend money on a chick but the chick should be able to spend money on you too. now that’s legit. and you don’t need to make moeny to have fun or give gifts homes…write a poem, serenade the chick, make her something, draw her something, go to the beach, park, museum on free nights, book readings, befirend a mariachi and get a free serenata…serio meng…
sas – hasta la otra y alrato
ok, I did a random search and wile thumbing through the endless web pages that popped up and this blog came up. After reading through the blog and all the comments that followed, I can’t tell if I think that El Random Hero is the one for me or I just can relate to what you and everyone else is saying. I think I am willing to find out though.
Connected to an idea or the thought of a good guy who could be on my level. Whatever…. I am annoying myself now.
What I am going to add to the slew of comments that you have received though, it is a quote by Bradshaw that always keeps me moving forward.
“Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.”
Applies to past relationships to.
eh