So I jump off the bus and navigate the busy Eastside sidewalk, deftly dodging the variousÂ VÃ¡tos, ViÃ©jas, and random NÃ¡cos. Suddenly, I struggle to hold back a violent impulse to gag. At a corner news stand I am suddenly eye-level with a magazine cover showing a decapitated human head with itâ€™s skin brutally scraped off.Â I recognize the screaming yellow logo on the publication as the one that has haunted meÂ ever since I was a little Pee-Pee Pants CabrÃ³n.Â Immediately, I shift my gaze to the other magazines, spying various layouts of â€œChicas con Grandes Nalgasâ€ in an attempt to wash away that ghastly image of yet another victim of Mexican Narco-Satanicos!
Â Alarma! Magazine is indeed, Mexicoâ€™s greatest â€œred pressâ€ crime tabloid.Â First Introduced to an â€œescandaloâ€ hungry readership back in 1963, the sensationalist mix of uncensored full color blood & guts, scandal, crime, swimsuit models and crossword puzzles was an instant hit and remains so today.
ALARMA! has covered everything from â€œLas PoquiÃ¡nchisâ€ to the big Mexico City earthquake of â€™85 to todayâ€™s violent Narco Wars while prominently displaying all of the headless corpses fit to print.
Itâ€™s the morbid fun that they seem to have with humorous word play, irony and puns in their articles that is priceless.
My personal favorite was about these two poor CabrÃ³nes who broke into a shack to sleep off a massive hangover. Apparently, they then lit a fire to keep warm. The tragic results were announced with the headline â€œENTRARON CRUDOS Y SALIERON FRITOS!â€
So go pick up a copy if you dare having horrific images imprinted in your memory forever, or try watching any of the â€œCasos De Alarmaâ€ movies available on VHS, better yet, throw a TV party watching “ALARMA! TV”, Saturday nights on KRCA 62. ALARMA! Unicamente la verdad!Â