Before the Gold Line extension opens, we must ensure we have transportation to infiltrate the enemy. We have expertly placed troops throughout various points in the Westside, always vigilant. However, we need more troops in the Westside to relieve some of the stress on our exiled troops. The Eastside and allied neighborhoods are some of the densest in the United States and we can afford to send more out west. Let’s call it Manifest Destiny.

We can encircle Silver Lake (two words, cabrones! If you live in the neighborhood, learn to spell it! I’ve seen way too many write it as Silverlake), but we have to move people over the Westside as quickly as possible. With no direct train out west past Western (unless you go northwest to Hollywood) and the 20/720/920 packed as ever on Wilshire, we must use our horseless carriages, especially for reconnaisance. If you’re not a member of Midnight Ridazz 2 or a paisa on a bici to work, you shouldn’t be on a bike over there for fear of being followed by the Neighborhood Jura. Even if you’re a paisa on your bici to work, ¡aguas!

I present to you the avant garde and fastest way to transport large numbers of people: the car trunk kept down with rope. Riding in trunks is no longer something you do when you’re drunk/high/desmadroso or to make it past Oceanside to Orange County. with this new technology, it will be a snap to release those in the trunk, just use a scissor or knife to cut the rope and BAM! you’re out! With a number of old Lincoln Town Cars/Ford Crown Victorias/Chevy Caprice, the Eastside will infiltrate the Westside with relative ease.

With enough Eastsiders/sympathizers in the Westside, we could hotwire their Prius’s GPS to talk like this:

This post was an excuse to use that picture. With La Crisis on us, people just can’t afford to drive to a junkyard and get a lock for their car. Sometimes the easiest way out is the best way out.