Dear Tia Concha,

I met this Cool Vato on MySpace and he wants to take me out on a date. My problem is that he wants to take me out to dinner at a Taco Truck, so I told him “Oh, HELL NO!”  and now he’s all feelings with me. I wish that he would take me like to this fancy place in East L.A. called “La Serenata De Garibaldi” or someplace like that. Tia Concha, what should I do? Signed,

Sorrow, Confusion, Anger & Grief, Montebello

Dear S.C.A.G.,

Sabes Que?, “La Serenata De Garibaldi” isn’t even REAL E.L.A., It’s an artificial, wannabe high class pinchi outpost for yuppies and westsiders who want to claim that they go have dinner in E.L.A. It’s the “Eastside without the “Eastsiders.”, so come down off those high huaraches and get real Esa!

 

Dear Tia Concha,

I’m the type of guy who is turned on by strong women in positions of power. Lately, I’ve been having romantic thoughts and fantasies about one woman in particular and it’s driving me crazy. That woman I dream about is, L.A. County Supervisor Gloria Molina. What advice can you give me? Signed,

Bob Osso, Silver Lake

Dear Baboso,

Calm down, Fool! That there is TOO MUCH JAMON PARA DOS HUEVOS!

 

Querida Tia Concha,

My fiancé and I met at an Immigrant Rights Rally last summer and now we’re both getting our Green Cards and having our wedding in a few months. We’re sending you an invitation and hope you will join us on our happiest day! Signed,

Fulana De Tal, Pico Union

Dear Fulana, Ay, That’s Sweet Mija! It’s so nice to see that even Illegal Immigrants are going “Green” these days.

 

Dear Tia Concha,

Last week, I came home unexpectedly and when I walked into the bedroom I found my wife Pancha in our bed with another woman. The other woman was on top of my wife so they didn’t notice I was there, after a few minutes I snuck back out of the house. I haven’t confronted her on it yet because I’m still in shock and I don’t know exactly what to do next. Tia Concha, I need your Consejos! Signed,

In A Bad Way, Lincoln Heights

Dear Way,

Now let me get this straight, You found Pancha with a Sancha giving her the Plancha? Sabes Que? My advice to you is “Let Sleeping Manfloras Lie”. If she’s still your Ruca, then respect her alternate lifestyles and wait for her to tell you about it whenever she’s ready. Besides, you’re a Cochino for peeping in on them, so don’t be a Chicken Shit Cabron, OK, Guey? (wacha how I get all my farm animals in?)

 

Dear Tia Concha,

A little bird told me that you’re an ex- gang banging CHOLA, is this true? Signed,

Chava, L.A.

 

Dear Chavala,

That wasn’t a Little Bird that told you, that was a PINCHI RATA!

 

Orale Pues! If any of you FOOLS out there want my advice on your Problemas De Amor, have comments, need schooling on any subject, have chismes, or if you just want to call me out, email me here or at latiaconcha@gmail.com. I might print your pinchi letter here next time. Also, you can add me as your homie at my new MySpace chingadera: www.myspace.com/tiaconcha

Tia Concha/ Y Que!