A while ago I threatened a friend that I would do a review of a gourmet churro shop I’d heard about over in the hinterlands. I think she thought it was such a stupidly impossible concept that it was never likely to happen.

Here it is, Miss C!

Sadly, very sadly, it is true. A churro shop with an identity crisis. Check out their site, the treat says “Don’t call me churro” as the looping audio keeps telling us to pronounce it churro, or sure-oh, as if there’s some major difference. They even spell their name weird, Xooro. If you speak Mexican Spanish then you know that this doesn’t sound like a good name: it reminds one of the word for the jet propulsion your lower body can produce when you’re not feeling too good. Entiendes?

Above we see the menu, full of all kinds of wacky topping you can put on your xooro.

When this place opened a bunch of blogs were gushing about its arrival, an up swell of praise for some new shop that had yet to prove its worth. But you know most blogs, always ready to promote the devil’s work. I haven’t seen it mentioned anywhere in awhile. Did the fad already fade away? Are they done with the xooro just like they are done with Pinkberry? Or is there still that lingering interest before the total collapse, just as the gourmet trucks are headed? All I know is that on this day the place was barren and it felt as we were the first people to step foot inside in quite some time.

It was kind of sad.

I knew I didn’t want one of those goofy looking candy coated churros that were all over the menu, so I asked for a plain one. Plus the Mexican hot chocolate-NO! What? We didn’t get our milk delivery today so no hot chocolate for you. Ok then, just the plain xorro. For a place with such few items on the menu, besides all the gussied up candy sticks, its strange that you don’t have the drinks to go with your main course, is what I was thinking. The guy goes to the back, which is where the magic happens, and comes out with this here item. It a tad warm to the touch and they did it more Mexican style with the sugar and cinnamon coating. But it seemed quite like the pre-fabricated food item, more like the heat lamp churros you find at a theater than the freshly fried specimens available at your local mobile churro unit. At $3 I’m hoping against all my assumptions that this is going to be a reasonable facsimile of that dough stick we all know.

Something along the lines of the way they make churros in Spain, since they do claim to provide “premium Spanish fritters”. I liked the sugar-less Spanish churros, they were fresh and crispy with the accompanying chocolate drink being the sweetener.

Alas, this is the American market. Uh, what? I guess somehow in the asking for a plain xorro I ended up with this lil’ cave where the cream filling usually goes, but mine was filling-less. How do they make this though, a perfect cylinder hollow inside fried dough? I’m thinking some sort of food science, the bad kind. I wasn’t about to go back into the shop to ask the man to fill my hole with cream. {Pause for laughter} Besides, now I can taste the true essence of the xorro.

Unfortunately, now I could taste the true essence of the xorro. Imagine a day old donut that you bought from the in-store bakery at Pavillions. Then let it sit another day to develop those stale flavors you crave from a dessert. Yer getting close.

In a word: No.

We drove around the block, the half-stick of now cold stale dough littering the coffee holder of my car, and thru the window I see that the man has resumed his internet browsing session. I feel bad that I hate his product, that I know I’m going to say mean things about his livelihood. But I know this shop is not going to be around for very long, even if they don’t know it.

May your next venture provide a reasonable food item and less of a foodie experience.

Xooro 323.951.9592
8360 Melrose Ave #107
West Hollywood, CA 90069
www.xooro.com

PS. In a similar vein, check out my review of the Crispy Cone.