It’s a word I have used repedeadly in the past because I wanted to make fun of someone or make them feel bad. It’s a word that is casually thrown around in certain circles because we’re all a bunch of guys acting like guys around each other. A word my parents would use to describe our neighbor and his friends. Yet, after watching the movie Bruno, I saw myself through the eyes of an outsider if you will to realize how homophobic friends and family really are because it is the norm. Somehow it’s ok to use those kind of words with friends and joke about it with family because it was instilled by society, culture, religion or just passed down from within the family, being gay is the worst thing you can be. Often times I find myself around friends that use that word, along with a plethora of others in demeaning and derogatory ways because somehow it’s OK to use that word. Much like any other hot button word that cannot be said, except by a person of that race. Kinda like me calling a friend a wetback beaner. It’s ok for me to say it because I’m Mexican but let me hear someone else saying that and all hell will break lose. That’s only the tip of the ice berg of course. When you add how religion demonizes homosexuality and instills in others that being gay is evil and wrong, violence tends to follow. What I’m trying to get at is that society as a whole paints this picture that everyone is better than anyone who may be gay and that it’s OK to treat them like shit because they are gay. I stopped using those kind of words with said circle of friends a few years ago, but it takes a conscious effort, which I am ashamed to admit. I have friends who are gay and they are some of the most kick ass people I know. I may have gotten rid of those inclinations to use derogatory words referencing homosexuality, but whenever I’m around a certain circle of friends all I hear is, “Dude, you’re a fucking fag man. Why you looking at me like that? You looking at my cock? pinche maricon hahahahahahah.”
LA EASTSIDE
Life Beyond The River
That was a really good, honest post. Pieces like this do a lot to open up people’s minds, in my opinion. While it’s true that many who make homophobic comments and jokes don’t *mean* to make gay people feel bad, such comments are still totally poisonous and create a terrible environment (as El Random said).
Anyway, really good essay.
next time they use the word fag, just yell out SPIC!!!! and look around suspicioulsy
or if YOU get the urge to say “thats so gay” just substitute it with: “thats so indigenous!” or “thats so OAXACA, Salvi” (whatever nationality or place your friends are from).
i think its very easy to say thats the way society is. its harder to challenge words people use. what will you do?
or maybe the next time someone says “you fag” you say, “i prefer nigger. if you want to demean me, please use nigger instead”
some people will get it. others wont. some people are stupid. some people are not stupid.
I never expected this from you, being so forthcoming and honest, not a lot of “breeders” aka straight foos do this.
I think you now realize that we are more alike and have more in common than not.
For me as a latino male who is also gay its one of those things you have trouble dealing with and coming to terms/acceptance with especially when you come from a catholic, conservative ,traditional and latino environment as i did.
It was not until i was 19 did i even say the word GAY out loud and saw myself in the mirror and said it again..”I am gay”.
It sometimes sucks, i remember thinking that i am a minority within a minority, and since we are little all we want to do is fit in, be “normal” etc.
For me the word that i really cant stand that we latinos use as a put down and in a negative way is the word “joto”.
In the end its love that matters.
We all want to love and be loved.
gracias carnale, for speaking the truth. I too fell into the category of those who demeaned their friends by calling them derogatory terms referring to being gay, despite being more open minded to homosexuality than my environs seemed to be. It wasnt until I was in college and called one of the few other working class latinos in my class the f-word in class, and notcied another classmate whose sexuality was a question pop their head up in suprise, that it hit me on how wrong those comments are. Because unfortunately, until that time, that kind of activity was commonplace, and still is WAY too much on the eastside.
I went and apologized to my classmate after, and told him how wrong it is for me to use homosexuality as some joke or demeaning label, and that I support the GLBT community as a brown man who knows discrimination.
We need more of that kind of aciton by our raza, to let our gay brethren know we embrace them and cast no aversion to theri lifestyle.
This topic hit close to home and is quite timely. i have a younger cousin who just came out to most of the family, but still is stressing his very religious parents, specifically my close minded tia. We all have been letting him know how much we love him, how proud we are that he is a man and knows himself well enough to come out despite the social implications, but it is obvious that his mom losing it is eating at him daily. it hurts me to see someone I love dearly feel shame and pain for being simply who they are.
I also get frustrated with the whole notion that being gay is some choice people make, it makes me think those who say such BS dont have ahandle on their own sexuality.
Well put young man. I am very proud of you.
Bill in Abilene, Texas