Home Despot Festival: El Matador & A Killer Toilet


Sometimes when I have free time, by which I mean time when I’m avoiding doing the things I’m supposed to do, I like to go on a walk around my neighborhood of Lincoln Heights, just to see que pasa. Usually there’s not too much excitement, but today I saw a huge Mexican Futbol jersey hanging on the side of the Home Despot and a bunch of stalls over on Ave 22 and figured I’d better see what all the mitote was about. And all of a sudden my lil’ walk turned into an exciting minute of celebrity spotting and a glimpse at one fine toilet. Since you probably also didn’t know about this parking lot festival, click ahead to see a few pics of how it went down!


Not too many people. Maybe they didn’t advertise this well enough, aside from the poster at the entrance. I don’t usually go inside, I just hang out outside looking for a chamba to pay for the chelas.  Maybe that’s why I hadn’t heard of this event. I’m pretty sure the well dressed couples in this photo are either owners or some form of management. Or maybe they just wanted to check out the cool toilet.


I’ve seen these blow up futbol fields before, where they usually have some 5 minute 3 on 3 matches. There was nobody waiting to play.


A provoking display dealing with attic insulation issues.


A crowd shot and the Entrance to the autograph session.


There were a few people waiting to meet El Matador. I’m not a fan of lines plus I’d seen him enough times during his Galaxy days. I’m gonna pass.


There he is! Luis Hernandez himself, “leyenda del futbol Mexicano.”


“Si, mi niña se llama Ebay.”


Back to the exciting display of construction products! A paisa checks out the latest in Formaldehyde-Free Technology.


Poison vendors showcasing products for your lawn. Pollute water while you waste it!


A kids workshop for building some tiny fusbol boxes.


Finally! The super cool toilet! It’s somehow new and better! It has a pitchman! It has a booth! Rated best flush! Easiest surface to keep clean! I was hoping to break it in but they were having none of it. No fun.


The thrills of better Alt-Siding.


Fancy new concretes. Will the good news never end?


Yet more poisons from the ninja company Spectracide. Anything that ends in -cide is usually bad news.


An open net, but no ball in sight.


A game where you toss bean bags into a hole. If you do three, I think you win some shitty prize. I missed the first one and the lady shook her head in a negative fashion. I made the next two but I was still a total loser. No shitty prize for me. Gane!


But some nice lady insisted I get a free bag “to carry all the free stuff”. Now I had to carry an empty bag.


The only food around was over by the self-cannibalizing hot dog stand.


The jersey that got my attention. Not sure who player 6689 is, but he must not be very good to have a 4 digit number.

And that concludes our exciting day at the Home Despot Festival of Toilets. Be sure to flush!

Bonus! Bonus! Bonus!


By the exit, the tree where grown men hang their dolls.

One thought on “Home Despot Festival: El Matador & A Killer Toilet

  1. GOA-L-L~ Gola-s-s-s-o-o-o-o-o!

    Man all that hype and no peeps.Pues no.Kinda reminded me about the time I met Paco Palencia when he was with Cruz Azul or Chivas? I don’t know something that started with a C. Anyhow we both had black nail polish on…I think we bonded..Same thing, no one but us chickens were at this shitty lil soccer clinic in South Gate with 5 kids and 11 adults.

    By the way I have some trolls that I’ve been meaning to hang up there..It’s called the worry doll tree 🙂

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